Time to face the music: rules to curing a broken heart
Thomas Lawrence, Transcript Reporter
Issue date: 2/4/10 Section: Entertainment
Tell me if this sounds familiar. You are wrapped tightly in your favorite Snuggie eating a pint of Ben & Jerry's. You are crying your heart out while Celine Dion consoles you by belting out "All By Myself" in the background.
That's right. You just got broken up with.
As someone who has just been relieved of his boyfriend duties, I understand how much the recently broken-up-with just need to listen to sad break-up songs. We just want to know that there is someone else out there who understands that the world has just crumbled underneath your feet, that she's insane, that he's a cheating liar, etc.
But let's be honest, there are some songs you just shouldn't listen to in this situation. And that's where I'd like to help. Let me guide you through the rules you must follow in order to choose the perfect break-up song.
Rule #1 has been hinted at, above in the opening paragraph. Nothing by Celine Dion. Not even "My Heart Will Go On". It's just too wimpy; after all anything that makes you look like more of a pansy than Tina Fey's character on 30 Rock is not a good thing.
Moving on to rule #2: Nothing super sad. This is just asking for trouble. Anything that makes you just want to give up is a bad idea.
Examples are "Hurt" by either Nine Inch Nails or Johnny Cash and "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division. These songs were depressing when you were with someone; what do you think they're going to do now?
(Not in this category due to the fact it's just gorgeous: "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor. Proof that bald can be sexy.)
Rule #3: If cheated on, you can play angry songs. But you just can't listen to "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood. We here at the Transcript do not promote vandalism or restraining orders.
If you do have the desire to act like a psycho-bitch, just listen to "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette. She knows how to act crazy without actually crossing the line. (Much. Sometimes.)
That's right. You just got broken up with.
As someone who has just been relieved of his boyfriend duties, I understand how much the recently broken-up-with just need to listen to sad break-up songs. We just want to know that there is someone else out there who understands that the world has just crumbled underneath your feet, that she's insane, that he's a cheating liar, etc.
But let's be honest, there are some songs you just shouldn't listen to in this situation. And that's where I'd like to help. Let me guide you through the rules you must follow in order to choose the perfect break-up song.
Rule #1 has been hinted at, above in the opening paragraph. Nothing by Celine Dion. Not even "My Heart Will Go On". It's just too wimpy; after all anything that makes you look like more of a pansy than Tina Fey's character on 30 Rock is not a good thing.
Moving on to rule #2: Nothing super sad. This is just asking for trouble. Anything that makes you just want to give up is a bad idea.
Examples are "Hurt" by either Nine Inch Nails or Johnny Cash and "Love Will Tear Us Apart" by Joy Division. These songs were depressing when you were with someone; what do you think they're going to do now?
(Not in this category due to the fact it's just gorgeous: "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinead O'Connor. Proof that bald can be sexy.)
Rule #3: If cheated on, you can play angry songs. But you just can't listen to "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood. We here at the Transcript do not promote vandalism or restraining orders.
If you do have the desire to act like a psycho-bitch, just listen to "You Oughta Know" by Alanis Morissette. She knows how to act crazy without actually crossing the line. (Much. Sometimes.)
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